I woke up this morning this of Abdul Aziz and thinking on the fact that I may be cold in the morning under my duck down filled duvet but I can turn on the little electric heater. He would be in his tent freezing and with what kind of a future to look forward to?

I quickly had to change my thinking as it was heartbreaking. Until meeting him and knowing an individual person I had somehow managed to keep it at a distance but I allowed myself to feel I could befriend someone. I let him in, his story .. even meeting the family, their stories of truck driving and being a model, looking after family was distance enough from what I knew of this thing called Life. Yet here is Aziz, much younger than me but also a digital artist wanting to make a career in the world. In a different set of circumstances I could be in the exact same situation as he is right now. There’s not such a big difference between us, except yes I’m a hearing impaired white woman from the UK and he is a young man from Syria.

He said very clearly to me yesterday that there is no choice in the camp, if you are freezing, then you are freezing.. you just have to endure. There are few blankets to be shared and if you are alone, then there’s rarely a chance of body heat to be shared by family. I LOVE my privacy, I get very cranky if I don’t get alone time and yet surrounded by so many people he is alone, fighting for his future. I don’t know much about him yet but I’m rooting for him. He’s very talented and I want him to have a great future, but I have very little means to make this happen but I’m going to try. I want to talk to him further about an idea I have but if he says yes, you’ll hear about it here first.

Today was warehouse duty again, sorting clothes in the warehouse next to Park Hotel .. all I can think when ditching the clothes with holes in is “what does people expect a person to think if they received this clothing?” .. if I were to be in desperate need of clothes, shoes, underwear and sanitary gear so that I don’t bleed all over my clothes is that I’m a forgotten person. Not worth a little more attention from the donator beyond the mere kindness of clothes given. I’d appreciate the clothes but in trying to salvage dignity I would leave it and choose clothes that have a bit more of a long wear in them, that keep me warmer than a disco boob tube. Thank goodness there are volunteers pre-sorting clothes before they hit the camps .. but really .. it should be sorted before being sent and taking up the space of clothes that could have been sent.

Sent it to your local refugees clothes donation place and if you are a person who works in those warehouses volunteering your time like I do, then please think of the person who will need those clothes. Don’t send clothes with holes in them, don’t sent them with food dried and stuck to the front, don’t sent them with broken zippers or shoulder pads .. I mean shoulder pads?! It’s not a fashion parade!

Still all said and done, I am very VERY grateful that there are donations that are perfect, it is such a pleasure to find a bag of perfectly folded clothes, all sized to one person. Those are my hallelujah bags that restore my faith in the good of people. There is SO much good to be found.

I am so incredibly grateful for my privileged life, money may be tight and I often wonder when my next client will be but this can all be improved, I don’t wonder when my next meal will be. I don’t need to make an appointment for a shower, have to worry about feeding my child of if it will be sick from the smoke of burning plastic bags to be warm. I know I will be fine, but I can’t help worry about the future of thousands of refugees with all the changes in closing border, the EU – Turkey deal where I’ve seen photos published by friends I’ve made volunteering showing them with guns in boats that look like rescue boats. Reading the news about deaths due to the attempt at crossing in to Greece. I know my family are safe and I can return to them easily .. I don’t have to wonder as a young just into the teens boy, will I ever get to see my Uncle and be safe in Austria?

I’m sorry I don’t have a photo for you to see today.